The Quicker Slapper Upper on the Side of the Head

A television ad for a paper towel. The little girl takes a bowl of hot soup and starts walking across the  kitchen to the table. Slop, on the floor. Slop again, more on the floor, and again until just about the whole bowl of soup in on the floor. Behind her is mom, smiling and giving that, kids will be kids, and isn't my little darling the cutest, look. Same paper towel, different advertisement. Brother is blowing chocolate milk bubbles through a straw while little brother looks on giggling. Once again, mom is behind them at the kitchen sink smiling with her head tilted just so. Her voice over telling us that we are having so much fun, while chocolate milk dribbles down over the edge of the table. After the sales pitch for the paper towel we cut back to mom who is sitting with little brother while he blows bubbles and spills more milk. "Do it again." she coos. Who writes this crap? What kind of happy pills is mom taking in those ads? If I remember childhood correctly, if I took a bowl of soup and spilled it on the floor, there would be screaming. Nobody would be smiling and giving me a knowing look as if I were cute enough to get away with being a slob. As for blowing bubbles in my chocolate milk, that would not garner encouragement from my mom. A quick shout from mom for me to stop being an asshole, and when that didn't stop me from making a mess, an even quicker move for the switch mom kept in the pantry. After cleaning up the mess my mom wouldn't have told me to "do it again" unless the rest of that sentence read, "and you'll have your father to answer to." Is this how kids are brought up now? If it is, it's a good thing that I never gave into Mark's pleas for adopting one. I would not be a very good father. I don't tolerate asinine behavior very well and I was brought up in a very different time when a good beating was how you settled things with the kids. Chances are I would be in the cell right next to Adrian Peterson. My imaginary kids are so lucky that I am gay and have never, ever had a desire to make babies.