Wednesday, September 17, 2014

She Drives real fast and she drives real hard.



If Mark were a good driver his antics while driving wouldn't bother me so much. The problem is that he gets super pissed at other drivers who are doing pretty much the same stupid shit he does.
"Look at her. Why can't she keep in her own lane.", Mark screams at the man in front of us (Mark uses female pronouns and epithets no matter what the sex of the other driver is).
He also hates it if I try to give him advice about driving. He insists that it only makes things worse.
"Calm down Mark. It's not like we have an appointment somewhere. We're just going to the Home Depot."
"Shut up!" He yells, his mouth frothing, the blood vessels in his forehead throbbing and about to burst. "I told you I need a gun. That bitch just pulled across three lanes!"
(Of course that is one big reason I won't allow a gun in our house, that and Mark's ability to push every button in my psyche when we argue. One of us would end up shot, I guarantee it.)
So for the rest of the trip to Home Depot I kept my mouth shut. That is until Mark shot across two lanes of traffic to pull into the Home Depot lot, and raced an old lady for the handicapped parking spot directly in front of the entrance. That's when I told him, "Nice driving."

6 comments:

  1. From now on I'm using using female pronouns and epithets no matter what the sex of the other driver is...Mark is brilliant and I'm glad he lives in Florida.

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  2. Mark was very pissed this morning because he says my story isn't accurate at all. True, it was Lowes and not Home Depot.

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  3. Tell Mark that we all know that your stories are exaggerated and that he really is a good driver. hahahahahahahaha

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  4. Does Mark have Native American blood?

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  5. Yes, his Indian name is Princess Summerfallwinterspring.

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